saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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