ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
