She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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