Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
