That's intense
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Boobs speak an international language.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
