You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
