This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
