i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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