just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
