dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
