census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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