Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
