If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
