Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize