is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
