Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
