there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
