How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
why is half of my head shaved?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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