Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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