I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
