You're so nebulous sometimes
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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