Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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