my phone needs a breathalizer
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
