careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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