Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
