That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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