So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
