Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dude. I can hear the air.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
