i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize