Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
