Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize