I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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