just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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