i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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