god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This is my gift to your gina
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
