I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
