Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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