Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
