he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
