That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Even my vagina gasped.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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