I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize