trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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