Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
