I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I deserve this hangover.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
