dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
