Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
