Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
