and you said cock pushups were impossible
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
