We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
