"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
