your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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