just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
