im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
