that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I supernannyed him into submission
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
