he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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