P.S. I can't hear my feet
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
