Jerry, you need to find god
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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