You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
