I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
