Your mouth is God's brothel.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
