even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
