Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
