You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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