i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
