I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
