I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
