"it" just moved
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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