I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
