im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
