Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
