dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
