I skipped work to stalk him.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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