My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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